Don't be afraid: If anything take a stand for yourself, because no one else will do this for you. If you are
in a toxic relationship and it has caused you a chaotic and stressful life then its time for you to move forward
and get out of that situation. Especially if there are children involved, they do not need to see this, because if they see the abuse, and you do nothing then they will think and learn that this type of abuse is okay. It is never okay to be abused in way, shape and form. If you fear for your life then leave when he/she goes to work and have a plan set in motion so you can escape this nightmare of a life that you have had to endure. Tell somebody, anybody someone that you can trust. Never let fear hold you back for fear is fear within itself. Make a difference and show your children how courageous, and strong you are, let them see that you will walk through fire if it meant keeping them safe. First and foremost never assume that this is all your fault. Do not second guess yourself because then in the end there will be to many what if's, instead step into reality and see it is what it is. Never feel shameful or guilty for trying to make a better life and atmosphere and surrounding for your children. They will see just how strong, optimistic and yes even scared, but this will show them that you are only human. If he/she starts playing silly head games and say they do not trust you, then it is them who is cheating, manipulating, and are being deceptive and dis-honest to you and trying to turn it on you. Because deep down they know what they are doing is wrong and are not man/woman enough to come clear and tell you that they strayed. Everything happens for a reason maybe a lesson to be learned or even a test from God himself. Never loose your inner spirit or faith because in the end this will save you before you even know it. Most importantly you must come to terms that you need to make a change, you have to want to be help and L...yourself in order to truly be helped. As long as you know that you will have to climb, and jump hurdles along the way and even push your inner self and give it all you got and then some. Then you will make it. Remember it gets harder before it becomes easy, but as long as you stay focus on the big picture which is a healthier lifestyle for you and your children the pain, hurt, betrayal, and heartache will become lesser in time. Never quit on you, for you are what your children are looking up to. Set a good example and instead of a frown on your face, smile and show your kids and all other individual who have been in the same situation or who have suffered a similar fate as you, that life can and will get better. There is light in the end of the tunnel, You just need to grasp it and hold to it for all eternity. It is the journey not the destination, but above all else pray to God and Jesus Christ himself for gumption,ambition and for guidelines to the right path. Most of all do this for yourself, once you do this you will become free and breathe like you have never breathe in your life before...Remember I care what happens to you and I understand exactly what you are going through because I have been there and back..If you need to talk we can talk, if you need someone to lesson to you, then I will be your listener but most importantly I will be your voice when you have none, I will speak in your behalf to save you and I will never judge you, instead I will embrace you..All it takes are baby-steps so lets start this journey together and release this heavy burned upon your weary deary shoulders and set them loose...Let's start the healing process now and you will see in time that you were the wiser one to take a stand for you and your loved ones...God Bless..
.Signed Me <3 <3 <3
Book Cover
Forgive Me Father for I Have Sinned
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
Underneath my layers...
Underneath my llayers there is a little girl crying in the inside, trying to be strong. Still trying to hide the fear inside instead she might stear into the other common ground of running and never looking back. Trying to escape the Demons Within her, inner core, trying to just get away...
Underneathe my surface, it has been so tainted and painted with images that were to hard to comprhend. Never knowing the reality of this horrific episode. But knowing there is commanlity amongs those who have endured the same fate as mine.ther dynamics and dramatically it is what makes us the same.
Underneath my skin there are scars from beatings and violence that was bestowed up me. Never giving me the voice to be heard, instead I was ignored.
Like an onion that needs to be pulled apart through its layers, I too need to decompress.
Instead those are impress with what they have seen me, overcome. I need no praise all I want
is to raise above with the higher ups. Needless to say I still have struggles, hurdles and walls that I need to jump over, Although its taken its toll upon my soul, I need to stay in the straight and narrow and not loose focus on what I am trying to accomplish.
Underneath my heart it has been black and blue, left in tiny little pieces, if you dare walk on those pieces they are pieces of shard bladed like knives that will leave you bleeding, the imagery of blood is every where, where has all the color gone...Like a rainbow that only emerges when its ready. I to can only surrender when I feel safe and not so suffocated. Feels like I am drowning in this ever lasting nightmare. Make it all go away..just go away leave me alone.
Underneath it all there is still so much pain, tears and the hurt never goes away when will I hear the birds singing, when will I smell the roses, its not like a fairytale once upon a time when I was young, my make believe never got a chance didn't even get to vote, for I was taken and awaken with the cruel world that was right before our eyes...I still know underneath it all there will be a better tomorrow, its just going to take time to get underneath my flesh and bones, Standing here all alone underneath the midnight sky wondering what will happen next. And at the end all it comes down to is, underneath my layers if I'm willing to let you in....
Underneath it all I feel this sense of sadness then comes the flood gates of emotions, like a running river that streams along for endless hours, I too need to shed all that is underneath my layers and just set them free, free from me, myself and I. So you see Underneath it all, it still remains the same as if nothing ever happen...
Underneath this God for saken mind of mine, tripping all the time, as if I were a ticking bomb.
Underneath my heart, I know its stll there somewhere , I see glimes of it now and then, My fragile body underneath this shall pass, it too, will pass... Broken promises left unsaid, good intentions can be the most dangerous of them all, for you will never know what just might creep underneath your soul...
Underneath it all I want to smile, Underneath it all I want to laugh, Underneath it all, I am not so brave...Underneath it all I need my space, then again underneath it all I want to breathe like I have never breathe before...Underneath it all I will stand tall, I will overcome it all, because don't you see Underneath it all, I am just like a stone cold brick wall....Underneath me indeed it still remains, but I will never stop believing that there is good out there, from the very fiber of my being Underneath it all. I still believe in me. Underneath I still feel that I am never alone for it is he Jesus Christ who is underneath me now...
Signed Me
Underneathe my surface, it has been so tainted and painted with images that were to hard to comprhend. Never knowing the reality of this horrific episode. But knowing there is commanlity amongs those who have endured the same fate as mine.ther dynamics and dramatically it is what makes us the same.
Underneath my skin there are scars from beatings and violence that was bestowed up me. Never giving me the voice to be heard, instead I was ignored.
Like an onion that needs to be pulled apart through its layers, I too need to decompress.
Instead those are impress with what they have seen me, overcome. I need no praise all I want
is to raise above with the higher ups. Needless to say I still have struggles, hurdles and walls that I need to jump over, Although its taken its toll upon my soul, I need to stay in the straight and narrow and not loose focus on what I am trying to accomplish.
Underneath my heart it has been black and blue, left in tiny little pieces, if you dare walk on those pieces they are pieces of shard bladed like knives that will leave you bleeding, the imagery of blood is every where, where has all the color gone...Like a rainbow that only emerges when its ready. I to can only surrender when I feel safe and not so suffocated. Feels like I am drowning in this ever lasting nightmare. Make it all go away..just go away leave me alone.
Underneath it all there is still so much pain, tears and the hurt never goes away when will I hear the birds singing, when will I smell the roses, its not like a fairytale once upon a time when I was young, my make believe never got a chance didn't even get to vote, for I was taken and awaken with the cruel world that was right before our eyes...I still know underneath it all there will be a better tomorrow, its just going to take time to get underneath my flesh and bones, Standing here all alone underneath the midnight sky wondering what will happen next. And at the end all it comes down to is, underneath my layers if I'm willing to let you in....
Underneath it all I feel this sense of sadness then comes the flood gates of emotions, like a running river that streams along for endless hours, I too need to shed all that is underneath my layers and just set them free, free from me, myself and I. So you see Underneath it all, it still remains the same as if nothing ever happen...
Underneath this God for saken mind of mine, tripping all the time, as if I were a ticking bomb.
Underneath my heart, I know its stll there somewhere , I see glimes of it now and then, My fragile body underneath this shall pass, it too, will pass... Broken promises left unsaid, good intentions can be the most dangerous of them all, for you will never know what just might creep underneath your soul...
Underneath it all I want to smile, Underneath it all I want to laugh, Underneath it all, I am not so brave...Underneath it all I need my space, then again underneath it all I want to breathe like I have never breathe before...Underneath it all I will stand tall, I will overcome it all, because don't you see Underneath it all, I am just like a stone cold brick wall....Underneath me indeed it still remains, but I will never stop believing that there is good out there, from the very fiber of my being Underneath it all. I still believe in me. Underneath I still feel that I am never alone for it is he Jesus Christ who is underneath me now...
Signed Me
Friday, May 18, 2012
Reckless...
Reckless May 18,2012 (Friday)@ 2:03 pm
Here I am reckless with my restless sleep, thinking about how so many obstacle's got in my way that lead to this debacle, as if I were in the Houston Chronicle. This misery of jumping hurdles and climbing walls just to get to the other side leaves me weary, leaves me dreary even though it is now out in the open, so many unanswered questions from those who do not know me. What the hell was I suppose to do when I was to afraid to speak out, for I was just a child, there were know saviors, and I knew I would never be rescued although I overcame with the strength within my soul, because of my spiritual faith that was always intact within my inner core down to the inside of my bone marrow, from every vessel to every fiber of my being, I feel my blood running, so very fast as if it were in a marathon, twirling like a baton I felt it coming out and trying to stay one step ahead of the game, but not even I could win this savage beast that is within my soul, it's the Demon Within, makes you play cat and mouse, always second guessing your every move never knowing who is really true. Or trusting those who are really there, shutting down and closing those out who love you dearly was not my intention perhaps an intervention might come out of this nefarious ferocious, battle that is within me. Reckless siting her with my mind on over drive racing like a speed racing car trying to reach the finish line. Don't you dare judge me, for you have not walked in my shoe's because if you had I do not believe you could even last. Instead you would have gone insane,and lost your insanity, when I thought I could no longer move, much less walk it was God himself who carried me through the next phase or chapter in my life. Reckless soul, Reckless heart, Reckless mind of mine let me go and set me free for at last I;m no longer in this Reckless determination of termination of my Reckless being, I see the light I am almost there, all I have to do is reach out and grab it and never let it go..So good bye to my tormented, horrific, Reckless soul...I can breathe again for the first time, like I have never breathe before..So long Reckless beast its time to part ways, I will always free myself from your Reckless ways.
Signed Me
Here I am reckless with my restless sleep, thinking about how so many obstacle's got in my way that lead to this debacle, as if I were in the Houston Chronicle. This misery of jumping hurdles and climbing walls just to get to the other side leaves me weary, leaves me dreary even though it is now out in the open, so many unanswered questions from those who do not know me. What the hell was I suppose to do when I was to afraid to speak out, for I was just a child, there were know saviors, and I knew I would never be rescued although I overcame with the strength within my soul, because of my spiritual faith that was always intact within my inner core down to the inside of my bone marrow, from every vessel to every fiber of my being, I feel my blood running, so very fast as if it were in a marathon, twirling like a baton I felt it coming out and trying to stay one step ahead of the game, but not even I could win this savage beast that is within my soul, it's the Demon Within, makes you play cat and mouse, always second guessing your every move never knowing who is really true. Or trusting those who are really there, shutting down and closing those out who love you dearly was not my intention perhaps an intervention might come out of this nefarious ferocious, battle that is within me. Reckless siting her with my mind on over drive racing like a speed racing car trying to reach the finish line. Don't you dare judge me, for you have not walked in my shoe's because if you had I do not believe you could even last. Instead you would have gone insane,and lost your insanity, when I thought I could no longer move, much less walk it was God himself who carried me through the next phase or chapter in my life. Reckless soul, Reckless heart, Reckless mind of mine let me go and set me free for at last I;m no longer in this Reckless determination of termination of my Reckless being, I see the light I am almost there, all I have to do is reach out and grab it and never let it go..So good bye to my tormented, horrific, Reckless soul...I can breathe again for the first time, like I have never breathe before..So long Reckless beast its time to part ways, I will always free myself from your Reckless ways.
Signed Me
Monday, April 16, 2012
Update on celebrating my 45th Birthday on April 17,2012 Tuesday...
Good night everybody all Facebook immediate friends, acquaintances, close friends and family I had a long ass 16 days have been celebrating my before birthday with friends and family. Will due a dinner out with just family and my mama on Tuesday April 17,2012 then will celebrate with friends on Friday April 20,2012 undecided if I am going to have an all out part at my house will keep you inform if not we might take a few friends to dinner and then go have drinks..Peace out...God Bless everyone and here is to another Manic Monday...Signed me
Friday, March 16, 2012
Within these Walls
Within these Walls…
Within these walls stands a foundation that is barely standing
Like these wall coming crumbling down my body to weary
to stand the test of time. Whispers echoes beneath the surface
makes you think your the wiser, but then again you hope to escape to
the never, never lands. Out in the open you can fell the breeze of spring winds
come your way. You almost hate to think and feel because once you do
your heart fall to pieces almost too immediately. Consequences leave you
guessing all the time then you hope and pray for a better tomorrow, and before
you know it the nigh has past you now, and your way into the mid morning air.
If you could gain the layers from within the foundation you once stood
then maybe just maybe you will survive another God forsaken day. To much to
bear when will this all end. If these wall could talk would they feel or hear my pain.
Instead would it all fall in tiny little pieces, like a jigsaw puzzle you try to gather
up these pieces that are coming apart at the seam. No matter how hard you try
it’s a never ending battle. Like a mural on the wall all I see are shades of gray.
Where has all the color gone, I forget I must stop and smell the roses. for its not
to late to rebuild these walls that are right in front of these weary, teary eyes of
mine. I see a glimpse of hope I must not turn my back for it might begone before
you ever start to stand straight up again on your own two feet. Within these walls
they cradle me like a lost long friend, I am at peace now for I no longer hear the
echoes within the frame of these walls. For at last I am free, free at last…
Like these wall coming crumbling down my body to weary
to stand the test of time. Whispers echoes beneath the surface
makes you think your the wiser, but then again you hope to escape to
the never, never lands. Out in the open you can fell the breeze of spring winds
come your way. You almost hate to think and feel because once you do
your heart fall to pieces almost too immediately. Consequences leave you
guessing all the time then you hope and pray for a better tomorrow, and before
you know it the nigh has past you now, and your way into the mid morning air.
If you could gain the layers from within the foundation you once stood
then maybe just maybe you will survive another God forsaken day. To much to
bear when will this all end. If these wall could talk would they feel or hear my pain.
Instead would it all fall in tiny little pieces, like a jigsaw puzzle you try to gather
up these pieces that are coming apart at the seam. No matter how hard you try
it’s a never ending battle. Like a mural on the wall all I see are shades of gray.
Where has all the color gone, I forget I must stop and smell the roses. for its not
to late to rebuild these walls that are right in front of these weary, teary eyes of
mine. I see a glimpse of hope I must not turn my back for it might begone before
you ever start to stand straight up again on your own two feet. Within these walls
they cradle me like a lost long friend, I am at peace now for I no longer hear the
echoes within the frame of these walls. For at last I am free, free at last…
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Book signing
Looks like I will get a couple of book signings in Spring aound March so far they are already booked with six other local Authors. If one is unable to show then I will be in by stand by...
Although the other bookstores have some up coming events they will let me know when I can have my book signing there they said it looks like Jan.28,2012 or The middle of Feb.2012
Although the other bookstores have some up coming events they will let me know when I can have my book signing there they said it looks like Jan.28,2012 or The middle of Feb.2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
No means No, who agree's?
What do you think, when you say NO it means NO? Who is with me on this. Why is it every time a violation occurs they blame it on the victim, today's society should really take hard look and see when they are blaming the victim that the victim has to relieve it all over again and again....For all of those that have been mistreated, abused, rape or who has had any kind of abuse it is still abuse.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Forgive Me Father for I Have Sinned
This is for those individuals that are to afraid of speaking up, of their similar or sufferred the same fate like I have, I know it is not an easy thing to share, but talking about it and letting it out will help you heal from the inside out. All it takes is Baby steps..Let me know or share your story of how you have been abuse, violated, rape, had incest relative take advantage of you when you were way to young to speak out. The only thing that can get in your way is by being fearful, Fear is wht stops many no several people to stay in their comfort zone. Remember it is never your fault, you did nothing, so do not put the blame , guilt, shame or embarrassement get to you and let it weigh you down. The pain, betrayal, heartache and the guard you have built within and around your heart for fear of another trusting soul taking advantage of you is something you are so afraid that it makes you a prisoner within yourself, set yourself free and learn to breathe like you have never breathe before. Come forward and start the process today...
Sincerely.
Julia Villegas Phelps (Author)
Sincerely.
Julia Villegas Phelps (Author)
Sunday, January 1, 2012
OK, here we go. I'm starting this blog to encourage anyone who has been abused or sexually assaulted to share their story, their pain, and join me in a path to try to heal the wounds they have suffered. I am not a licensed professional, just someone who has been through hell and back. And then some! For anyone new to my blog, I wrote the book, "Forgive Me Father for I Have Sinned" about my experience with clergy sex abuse. I also discuss in the book my earlier life, being a victim of incest and being abused by a foster parent. I wrote the book to help others who have been a victim anytime in their lives to show them that they are not alone in their pain, shame, humiliation, fear, and guilt.
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